This may seem contradictory ~ but it's something that I have been pondering on a while... and knowing in my bones for much much longer.
As we move away from codependency collectively.... from the type of relationships that have had next to no boundaries,... we move instead towards interdependence. Where we can truly feel and honour ourselves whilst also relating and connecting.
So how the hell do we do that?
Solitude is a way to really begin to feel ourselves again... taking the time to feel our edges, heal our traumas. Relating in codependent and enmeshed ways can feel totally traumatic.
We all know the feeling in a relationship where we lose ourselves... we lose our own spark, and our definition.
This I believe to be because we have merged with the other and had held no boundaries to separate us.
We can cling to the other for safety and certainty but lose ourselves in the process.
If we begin to feel our edges and our definition -- communicating those via boundaries, we are likely touch the edges and wounds of others.
Wounds that have been satiated by the attachment and codependence.
Boundaries and definition in the form of needs, desires, fears, limits, and conflicts of opinion.
This gives us definition.
This allows the other to feel themselves.
This also helps us contain our own energy with self love and self respect.
They may feel u pushing back or pushing away, desiring something different or space whilst we heal and pull back from enmeshment.
By expressing these sometimes difficult edges - this gives us opportunity to know the other deeper.
Giving us the opportunity to meet each other deeper than ever before -- again and again -- if we can navigate the wounding that may be triggered when we start to separate and differentiate.
Relationships are here to heal us in the end... they can show us where we have kept ourselves small and limited. Or they can nourish us deeply for the journey ahead.
Where have we enmeshed and gone along with things to make things easy, perhaps suppressing our life force, creativity and freedom? Our individuality?
Healthy relationships are complex and take work when they honour both parties in a healthy way.
Codependency can feel easy.
Authenticity is spirituality -- and we cannot be truly authentic whilst codependent...
We are always using the other as a crutch rather than stepping into our full power.
To feel those edges of the other is invigorating.
This is why conflict is ultimately healthy if done in a respectful and safe way.
This is why healing and knowing oneself is important - so as to not get lost in the confusion of mirroring wounds.
To know what is yours and what is there's.
And running away -- staying separate because relating is too hard... we can keep our individuality but we of course lack the connection we so deeply crave.
So what to do?
Breathwork is one way to allow us to take the time to connect to ourselves much deeper. To hear those deeper longings and needs that perhaps have been overlooked.
To feel our own wounding.
To take the time to heal ourselves so we can heal and develop our relationships...
So we can honour our own story, who we are, why we are here, and in the end know ourselves and then each other on much deeper levels.
Levels where we can truly feel deep and beautiful connection with those we love the most.
Feeling the call yet ?