The first part of my life is so distant now.... THANK GOD.
I had loving parents, I had enough... a nice home, good family, i had pretty poor health but I had all my limbs, on paper I couldn't massively complain... but in reality it was a nightmare.
My poor Dad got the blame for it all over the years - yes he wasn't so patient, and yes he had his own wounds and sore edges, pressures in life and sometimes bad temper but it wasn't him. It was me.
I came into this life so so sensitive... I now know a birth trauma that still effects me to this day was part of the reason i felt so bad, felt so attacked, was weakened and often sick... that combined with quite a lot of other factors too long to mention... Things that happened while I was in the womb, things that happened when my grandma was a child.... really its a lot to explain, but in 3D reality it was probably no harder childhood than most others - it was just what I was aware of, what I felt inside and what I was carrying.
I struggled so so much internally.
I spent my life wondering why I felt so bad. Seeing others enjoy things I just couldnt, feeling outside looking in. Feeling different, and sometimes really too sensitive and a mess. When people let me down or hurt me i didn't really care, it was just this disappontment and hopelessness that was heavier than me. Heavier than my need to connect, or keep friendships, which often just had me feeling pressured and judged and misunderstood, hell I couldn't even understand myself let alone understand people.
I lost my trust in humans, and my faith in their goodness as they would repeatedly let me down, turn on me and against me - I began to even expect it.
Its often too much to write about, a long tangled tale of hellish experiences, tied together by some kind of drive to figure it all out.... to feel better, to succeed when I just seemed to be seriously flailing.
It honestly wasn't until I did breathwork that anything began to make sense.
I could finally start to piece myself back together.
I could lift the fog that seemed to be blocking me from being myself, from connecting to others without a drink or drugs, that was weighing me down since forever.
It wasn't until breathwork that i felt truly happy.
Inspired... Alive.... Free.... Present....
Doing this work helps us to feel whats going on on the inside and process it.... In a way that yoga and meditation simply couldn't reach.
In a way that therapy misses and other modalities don't allow.
Its like plant medicine without the medicine, and you are the guide taking you as deep as you feel ready.
Breathwork is a way to do that inner work, to heal those parts of yourself that are so wounded and hurting, so you can come out the other side stronger every time.
It makes all the pain and confusion worth it when looking back - I know experiencing that, and surviving it allows me to help others.
Are you feeling the call?
To breathe in ceremony - to heal your own inner child and soul from what you hae been through?
Or to hold space for others..... click below to check out upcoming ceremonies and immersions -- designed to start your training path to heal others, by first healing you.
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