In this energetic universe - We truly are creators, whether we like it or not... We are responsible for what we create and for shifting our energy so as to create what we actually want.
A lot of this is subconscious - and it can be very easy to heap blame onto others and fall into the victim trap without awareness.
This past week has been such a huge lesson and reminder of how this is true.
Initially I had found comfort in dropping into sadness and victim.... into that comfortable space where I have no responsibility and everyone else was at fault but me.
But as tempting as it is - I do not what to do that. I want this story to shift, I don't want to experience it again... and I want to learn and grow from this, take my power back and be more in control of my life and my creations.
What ever we have been through in the past leaves energetic scars and imprints if we haven't processed it properly. This can seem unfair, it can feel like we are victims, like it's not our fault and why me....
But this is how we expand and learn and grow.
Whilst some of the things we have been through seem incredibly unfair - we have the opportunity to shift out of these dramas and choose differently.
Something that I have really battled with in my life is my birth trauma.
Having been my mothers first child, she took drugs and did what the doctor said... therefor couldn't push and so I had to be pulled out with forceps.
Its quite gaslighting as well to be told your birth was fine when it clearly wasn't. Forceps births can twist the spine and literally imagine that... I have scoliosis in my middle spine from this.
Anyways - having done a lot of healing and breathwork I can see quite clearly how this has effected me and its something I have touched upon again and again.
This past weeks dramas have truly triggered me into the deepest karmic clearing of this trauma I could have imagined.
Feelings of utter helplessness -- being told to do by authoritative figures - stress - tension - panic - paranoia and confusion.....
I have processed so many emotions and so much pain that I truly feel I am on my way to being reborn... talk about dark night of the soul.
The trick was to - whilst dealing with the story in the 3D - also process the energetic pain, soothing my soul on a deeper level and moving through into higher timelines.
Sounds mad doesn't it - but it really was such a clear lesson as to how we create from our traumas and how once fully felt to the bottom, we can take responsibility to heal and then choose differently.
I can choose to be more responsible. To not give my power away and play a victim.....
To not let others control me...
Whilst it wasn't my fault that I carried such a trauma, it was my responsibility to step up my game, upgrade who I am and choose differently.
To resolve the past and finally LET GO.
This has been huge and I am still processing.
After feeling through such old deep triggers and pains, my whole body feels exhausted and this week is full of self care days, nature and the space to process.
And looking back I can even start to be thankful for the situation - because this has been a gift that has healed me.
How can we try to find the silver lining of healing through the most devastating curve balls life throws at us?
There is a way. And I see it clearer than ever,
If you would like to connect with me in a breathing space session online or in person then please reach out, I can help you to process and work through these sometimes very difficult processes.
This week I had my own angels who were there to hold space and support me, reflecting back what was going on when things got really murky and unclear.
So grateful for those souls.
And if you have an inkling of what's going on for me - as per my social media - then please join me in a pop up online breath ceremony on the 26th February via zoom - I am raising 2500 for my cats vet bills that I have been lumbered with - a long bloody story, but this is me taking my power back.
I don't do many online ceremonies any more - so here is your opportunity to breathe with us in a fully guided Breathwork journey from the comfort of your own home. I and my little baby Leah would really appreciate your support, and we all need a breathe after the astrology of the last few weeks -- that I can guarantee. Hope to see you there x